Day 272 since Lockdown in CA

So here we are... I have not written in here since March of this year. Looking back at what I wrote about the virus we really had no idea what was coming. We are in the month of December and COVID 19 is looming destroying lives and lively hoods left and right. 

The virus itself is still unknown and scary. I know people who have gotten it with not one symptom, others who have had all the symptoms, and some that have lingering symptoms. The problem is.. No one knows what their case will be if they end of getting it. 

The burn out of mothers around is strong.. Mothers from all sorts of backgrounds and situations. Working moms, stay at home moms, working from home moms, mom who are not working from home, but working, moms who's husbands and partners are in their face all day, moms who's husbands and partners are gone all day, moms who have lost their jobs and dealing with a situation they never thought was doable. I guess I could go on.. You get my point. I'm sure the husbands and dads feel it too, but mothers are getting burned right now. 

I personally have feelings about the weight on my shoulders that some may not feel. I'm blessed beyond belief..... honestly sometimes I look at my life and just think how lucky I am. I have a beautiful home, family, friends, my health is good, I have a job that is stable, food is on the table, cars are filled with gas and good tires, I'm about to bring a baby into this crazy world... I am one lucky person. I do work hard for it, and its taken me a while to get here, and I still have to continue on my journey, but I'm not struggling. Where I do struggle is the ground hog day effect that this virus has put on our lives. Home school, work, cooking.... (oh gosh the cooking....) and the effort we must all take to make sure we step out of our homes to get exercise and activity into our daily lives. When my days prior would be different and exciting with drop offs and pick ups, with Zumba a few times a week along with baseball, Judo, or any type of activity the kids have. The traveling for work, and the excitement that brings into my career.  I mean it was a mix of things that made this life enjoyable. To see the growth of our children outside the home. Such an important part of life that is just being forgotten right now. 

Its become so bad that when I look at pictures of myself hugging my family or friends I think its weird.... WOW. Will this effect us our entire lives? Will we suffer from some sort of PTSD? I know it sounds extreme... but do we know? There are a lot of people who are not in bad situations through this, but we end up feeling guilty for having these thoughts of when will this end? Why are people so selfish that this virus was not taken seriously? We are in a country that is very much controlled by the government and fighting back for our rights or freedoms did not do us much good, because a virus makes you sick and thats just science... Sad truths, but it's our responsibility to each other to make this work. 

I want my son back in school, sports, and activities.  I want to get excited about the days ahead of us, instead of just getting up like I'm in a world that is on repeat. My mind is strong and I can say with confidence that I'm a happy person, but the things happening around me is not bringing that happiness. It's just how I bring my mindset into play. For people who suffer mental illness this has got to be a hard season to deal with. 

My point is that even though we are lucky, blessed, and living this shit sucks.. It sucks bad. Life is not amazing right now. For moms this is hard.... the demands are not normal. We need our villages back... we need them bad... I can not wait for this to be over....

Coronavirus

This virus has really inspired me to write. This is such an interesting time in our society and I'm not sure if I understand or like what it is doing to our communities and country/countries. Profiling and racism is one of the negative outcomes of this virus.

For example, the ship that has docked in Oakland has thousands of people on it. The reactions I see in our community to the ship being so close is concerning. Just imagine if you were one the individuals on that ship. You decided to embark on a vacation that you probably saved up for and waited months to go. Instead it turns into a nightmare, while you are contained waiting to find out if you have a deadly virus or not. Then once you are allowed to step on land you probably feel sense of burden on the community at no fault of your own. We need to embrace these individuals instead of shaming them and thinking why would they dock the boat here?

For work I travel a ton. I actually have traveled 2 times since the virus made its way to the country. I have always thought traveling has been dirty. Think about those tray tables, handrails, bathrooms, and security check points. I mean there are just tons of people going through there. I was actually standing in line to wash my hands for the first time ever. What does that say about our community? It says people are gross. Why are we all of a sudden practing good hygiene? Shouldn't we be doing this all along? This woman and I were joking about it in the bathroom. But on the traveling note, why do I feel a sense of guilt for taking that "chance" of traveling and bringing it back to the community. I mean in all fairness I know I'm fine, but should I be shamed because I want to travel, and I want my family to travel? The reality is that I'm canceling a trip scheduled for next week and I'm not attending 2 trade shows as of now for this. One being rescheduled, and one they are still deciding to hold.

I know this is scary for many, and yes the % is higher than the flu of death rates, but the information is new and not picked through correctly. We don't know about the virus, which is scary, and on a side note if you wanted to get tested the doctor you see would need to make a strong case to the CDC and maybe you would be tested. If not they tell you to self quarantine and be on your way. This is not fully controlled which is why people are in a panic. Look at your 401K, look at your stocks. It's crazy what is happening. Look how people are being treated. I hope as a country we can get a grip on this and continue to act like a community and society.